She's Baaaaack...

"Straight up now tell me do you wanna love me forever?" .. um well.. Paula honey.. forever's a long time and uh...


Now Austin will tell you that he is one of those people who is secretly fascinated by Paula Abdul -- is she or isn't she on drugs? -- if so, what? -- did her doctor give her the wrong meds? -- did he give her the right ones and she doesn't take them? -- etcetera etcetera --

I however, am a little, well.. over it. I mean a handful of has-beens are recycled every year in the form of guest spots, talk shows, book deals, hosting gigs, etcetera -- and although it's always a treat, there comes a point when you remember why you allowed them to fall off the planet in the first place.

That time has come. and gone.

Don't get me wrong, I love her brand of crazy. In fact it's one of favorites. But it's just too sporatic for me. It's not outrageous enough. I need her to OWN her crazy. I need her to see the money pool of fandom that is interested in watching her be a lunatic and just swan dive right into it. In other words, she's gonna have to check out of the crazyland motel and buy some real estate there or I'm out.

Nicki Minaj a Trois

Three's a crowd they say and it's certainly starting to feel a little cramped in the "look at me" corner of the entertainment world.

In the ring we have Lady Gaga, Grace Jones and Nicki Minaj all duking it out to be a walking talking Andy Warhol painting and all claiming they are the original.

Well I got news for all three of you.. Cher, Madonna and Tina Turner made performance art what it is today and they didn't have to wear meat on their head to do it. If anyone should be arguing about who the queen diva is it should be those three. umkay?

Also -- Dear Nicki Minaj, you are NOT Lady Gaga -- Dear Lady Gaga you should not be boring yet, but you ARE -- and Dear Grace Jones, Iman can pull off androgynous beauty, you my dear CANNOT..

p.s. is the hip hop community really hurtin' for more ass and bad weave? just sayin.

Sheen There, Done That

Let's be for real, Charlie Sheen makes two million dollars an episode to "play" a rude, sex crazed single man who lazes around his house all day.. umm seriously?


First of all if I had that much money the last person on earth I'd be spending an alleged blow and booze filled weekend with is "Bombshell" McGee.. *insert mental video clip of Jesse James asking him how his ass tastes*.. yum.


Secondly how is it that you have enough taste to procreate with beautiful, classy women, but not enough sense to stay with any of them?


Thirdly your emmy nominated, walk of fame father is embarassed. please stop.

Austin's Vision

So apparently my younger brother and co-conspirator Austin Benjamin, has decided that his standard period of half-assing and procrastination to be my co-blogger has expired and he is now ready to talk some smack.

I know this because he emailed me last night a list of various media rants including, but not limited to the posts for today that will follow this one.. I have tweaked them a bit to incorporate my own perspectives which in my opinion is the truest recipe for funny (austin+lacy+state of the entertainment industry = this site in all its glory)..

This "epiphany" as the above mentioned email was titled, comes at no better a time, as I was just thinking of reviving the site a little and needed a couple ounces of motivation myself.

So without further ado.. I give you today's posts, courtesy of Austin's late night vision...