Friday, February 26, 2010

Top 5 Things I Never Want to Hear About AGAIN.. EVER

1. Conrad Murray: Umm seriously this guy and the entire story is about to lull me into a propofol coma of my own. Yes he's a doctor. Yes he probably shouldn't have been injecting 50 year old pop stars with intravenous anesthetics. But let's be for real, Michael Jackson has/had more money than Oprah, if he wanted to be injected with some illegal shizz, he was gonna be. Pull his license for bein' a shitty doctor, but he didn't kill Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson killed Michael Jackson. For Christ's sake people has everyone forgotten EVERYTHING that happened before that day.. the man's face was fallin' off, com'on... seriously?

2. John Mayer's "Racial Slur": As a fellow wit-enthusiast I have a great deal of sympathy for where John Mayer saw this joke landing. He simply missed his target. Move on.

3. Anything about Jennifer Anniston, her "feud" with Angelina or her alleged secret meet ups with Brad: Do people have no self respect at all? I mean don't you find yourself feeling like that friend that's always convincing your other friend that the guy who dumped her like six years ago was totally crazy for doing it and still wants her back if only she'd let him have her -- Even though you know that she's really a needy, sappy, middle-aged woman, who should really get her crap together or hit the fertility bank 'cause things ain't lookin' up.
Don'tcha?

4. Justin Bieber: This kid... wow.. don't even get me started on this kid.. Did he fall from the sky? Like seriously did Disney like make him in a underground lair in Narnia and shoot him out of a cannon into the western hemisphere wearing a beanie, some airwalks, and an Ed Hardy shirt.. Where did this kid come from? And what on earth is so appealing about anything he does? Granted I'm not a thirteen year old girl, but he's not that cute, his songs sound like Jesse McCartney ripoffs and in my day we liked our young hearththrobs in groups.. you know Backstreet, N'Sync, NKOTB, etc... I mean hey, even the Jonas Brothers come in threes. Who does this kid think he is? He needs a posse of matching, semi-interesting mini-man boys and then maybe I'll consider paying attention to him for like a minute...

5. Simon Monjack: Okay so I'm not saying I'm like psychic or anything.. but well ya, I kinda am.. Because had I had this blog a few months ago you would have read me talking about a clip I saw on TMZ literally a week before Brittany Murphy's death, in which she and this large plumber-looking, balding man are standing in line to check into the airport. Maybe I was behind the times but I'd NEVER heard or seen head nor tails of this guy until then. And when they said it was her husband I nearly fell outta my chair. However I immediately I began feeling guilty for judging him that way and thought, you know, he's probably a really great guy and good for her for choosing someone for love, but then they moved from behind the counter and I was like "Dear Lord, Brittany Murphy looks like the crypt keeper!" I mean she was like all of 85 pounds, it was crazy. But needless to say when she passed away I was like holy crap, I sorta called that. But back to this guy -- he's weird I'll give you that, but the last thing I'm gonna do is give him his 15 minutes over her tragic death.. He's not even trying to be a famewhore over this thing so people need to back off and quit trying to make the whole deal something it's not. She was sick, it was sad, she'll be missed, The end.

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